Reviving
our sense of Gheerah
by Sister Fâtima Barakatullâh
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of
modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen
by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married!
They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as
old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm,
everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to
dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its
peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not
even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of
other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances
with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so
possessive!In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word
which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when
a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk
and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling
Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (SAW) had the most Gheerah for his
wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah. All Muslim men
should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says
in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is:
“The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa,
Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other
men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called
Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this
evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab
ul-Kabaa’ir).
A story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that
Asmaa’ (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA),
relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his
daughterAsmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (RA) who was a
very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were
promised Paradise. Asmaa’ relates:
“When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor
slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to
get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date
stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (SAW) had endowed
him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying
the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (SAW),
along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit
down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I
remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah .
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair
and said: “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones
upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel
to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.”
So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair
said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is
more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh
Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in
front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew
that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by
accepting the Prophet’s (SAW) help even though the Prophet was the purest of
men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair
(RA), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his
wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing our sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover
their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or
speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear
sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar
because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your
face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a
sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He
knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his
Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your
own sense of honour! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think
indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense
of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to
their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they expect it
of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam,
we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting
the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she
smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her
company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first
encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be
asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It
is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the
excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding
hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You
are a shepard and are responsible for your flock!
Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is:
“Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire
whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how
cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful
that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a
society in which people have lost it.
(for more info contact: loveislam@aol.com)